What Is Happening In The Teen Dating World | JoBeth Evans | Episode 140

Dating apps, meeting through social media, having important conversations via text, these are things we never experienced in our teens and twenties yet it’s the mainstay of dating today. So, is it a problem? What dangers do we need to be aware of? How can we guide our teens and twenty somethings through the dating world when it’s so different? JoBeth Evans shares information and insights about teen dating with Mighty Parenting podcast host Sandy Fowler. Find out what our kids are up to, whether it’s a problem, and how we can support them through dating in their teens and twenties.

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High Points From Our Conversation About Teen Dating:

“If you freak out on them the first time they tell you their plans, they probably won’t tell you the second time.”

High Points From Our Conversation About Teen Dating:

The world has changed and teen dating changes with that. Our dating lives looked different from our parents’ dating lives and so our kids’ dating will be different as well. That being said, there are still boundaries that need to be in place. We always need to have boundaries, be safe, and engage in healthy relationships. It’s just the way it’s initiated and carried out that’s different.

It’s normal for our kids to meet through social media platforms and dating apps. But there are some core things our teenagers and twenty somethings need to consider:

• Is this a real person?
• Is this person who they say they are?
• Am I being safe in how I’m going about it?

When our kids tell us we don’t understand, we can respond with something like this: “There’s a lot I don’t understand about dating now, but I do know every healthy relationship has to have boundaries.”

Teens need to start their dating lives with clear expectations. 

Some couples can fight, have screaming matches, and be okay. Other couples will damage their relationship with this. It’s important to understand what works for you in a relationship.

Talk through scenarios and discuss safe ways to meet this person in real life. Ask your teen or twenty something what they think is a safe way to meet this person. 

Ask them what they’re looking for in a relationship.

Whatever is happening with our twenty somethings, we have to remember they are adults. Telling them what to do won’t sit well with them.

We need to build our relationship with our kids so they’ll discuss important things with us. When you have a conversation, do they feel heard? Or do they feel every time they talk to us they’ll be disciplined or put down in some way?

We need to be interested in the whole situation, not just about their safety. 

We can brainstorm ideas with our kids rather than just telling them what to do.

When we are learning how to talk to our kids from a place of curiosity, we can actually fall into the trap of being manipulative. This happens when we act like we’re interested but are really just trying to get our own way.

If you freak out on them the first time they tell you their plans, they probably won’t tell you the second time.

We can start talking to our kids about what they want in a partner even when they’re young. This normalizes the conversation. It also helps our kids to start thinking about what they want and be aware of what’s a good fit earlier in their relationships when they’re older.

Dating apps are more prevalent for college kids. Social media apps are more prevalent for teen dating. They see someone they think is really attractive or doing something they would like to do and they reach out through dm (direct message).

They aren’t seeking out relationships in the apps. They’re using the apps and relationships are developing from the app.

A lot of today’s dating is centered on technology and conversations, important conversations, happen over text. All the time spent on phones can limit their ability to learn about each other. 

We need to keep in mind that every child is different and they are doing their relationships differently. It’s our job to come along side of them and be supportive while guiding them. Instead of telling them what to do, ask:

• “Have you thought about this? Have you thought about that?”
• “What do you think you should do about that?”

Additional Resources:

Talking Sex to Your Teenager | Cath Hakinson | Episode 12

Our Guest JoBeth Evans:

JoBeth is a transformational coach that helps teens make the transition from high school to college. JoBeth is a writer, speaker and coach.  JoBeth is an action oriented coach that teaches her clients the steps and procedures necessary to achieve their goals. 

JoBeth’s clients are teen girls that are swinging for the fences in life. They want to be involved in all the activities, make straight A’s, build a strong network of people, be healthy and enjoy the ride. 

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