The Surprising Reason Your Kid Is Acting Defiant and Difficult | Bill Beausay | Episode 58
Sometimes our teens act out. They can be difficult or defiant and this simply wears parents out. But if we can understand what’s at the root of this behavior then we can shift it. Mighty Parenting podcast hosts Sandy Fowler and Judy Davis interview national bestselling author and speaker Bill Beausay to discover the surprising reason your kid is acting defiant and difficult. Bill will talk to us about boundaries, goals, and respect. He’ll show us the power of adaptation and explain his theory that whenever you see any kid doing any sort to behavior, you are watching a young person who’s adapted to something. Then he’ll share parenting strategies for changing things.
Bill shares his thought experiment, challenging us to identify the essential skills our kids need to become successful and happy adults. It’s a simple exercise that can create an amazing shift in your parenting.
A Favorite Quote from the Show:
“A lot of what our teens do is because they’ve adapted to something. To understand and handle them we have to figure out what they adapted to.”
High Points of The Surprising Reason Your Kid Is Acting Defiant and Difficult:
Around age 13 teens become abstract thinkers. This changes how they view things and how they act.
A lot of what our teens do is because they’ve adapted to something. We have to figure out what they’re adapting to in order to understand and handle them
No matter the problem, we can ask, “So what are you going to do about that?”
Ask questions instead of giving answers!
Our teens live in a constant state of conflict or tension; trying to fit in with peers, following rules at home, etc.
Begin a conversation by acknowledging they live with these conflicts and ask them about it.
Words to say: “Let me in on the conversation you’re having with yourself.”
Identify the difference between the story you’re telling yourself and the actual event.
Parents want to jump in and give the answers but our kids have them or can find them if we give them room.
Mistakes parents make:
Taking responsibility for our kid’s actions.
Parenting from a position of fear
Forgetting the only person you can control is you
Expecting them to follow your vision for the future
Instead of parenting from a position of fear, surrender and detach. They may not be the kind of kid you want but they are the kid you have. Work with them.
Fearlessness is where it’s at.
Spend time finding out what they want.
Instill in them ambition, fearlessness, and courage.
Wonder if you’re doing this right or if it’s time to try something different? We tend to look for rebellion in our kids but we can look inside ourselves for these signs:
Pressure inside yourself, feeling like you need to jump in
Feeling like you’re not collaborating with your kid on their life
Bill Beausay is the former Director of Research and Development at the Academy of Sports Psychology, author of nearly 20 books including 3 national best sellers Boys!, Girls! and Teenage Boys, What’s Possible, True Greatness, The Sender and more, with combined worldwide circulation over 1 million copies. He is the creator of MindRev™ Labs and Design Life Training. Bill did his Doctoral work at the University of Toledo and spent 10 years in a professional clinical practice before becoming a writer and international speaker on how to do more, make more and be more. He has spoken for dozens of Fortune 500 firms and has been featured on radio, newspapers, television, and magazines coast-to-coast. He has an extensive list of virtual online training available. Bill is a pilot, scuba diver, skier, adventurer and grandfather of 9.
Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler are entrepreneurs who help people live better lives. After creating DASIUM they realized they could help parents avoid the challenges and pain they experienced. Mighty Parenting is what families need to get real, relevant information about raising teens and parenting young adults in today's world.
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