The Father Effect And The Impact Of Male Role Models In Our Teens’ Lives | John Finch | Episode 41
Present or absent, fathers impact our children and create what John Finch calls The Father Effect. Male role models have long been acknowledged as important but that male role model is critical to our child’s well-being. Whether the relationship is relaxed or challenging, dads make a difference. Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler pick John’s brain about his work and his documentary, The Father Effect, to learn about father wounds, the generational curse, forgiveness, things we need to teach our boys, and the immensely important message all parents need to hear. This week’s Mighty Parenting podcast shows you what to do for yourself and for your children.
A Favorite Quote from the Show:
Anger was my hammer and everything in my life began to look like a nail.
High Points of the Discussion The Father Effect And The Impact Of Male Role Models In Our Teens Lives:
Things that our dad, or didn’t do, with us, to us, or for us, can create a father wound.
Father wounds can be created when Dads:
• Place something as a higher priority than their child
• Are verbally abusive
• Are emotionally distant
Forgiveness is key in healing.
Mentioned: Mighty Parenting podcast episode 5 with Cliff Edwards on forgiveness.
So many men struggle with anger. This can happen when they don’t recognize their emotions or don’t know how to deal with them.
Men can get triggered by many things, large and small, about their relationship with their father and it can show up as anger.
Teaching our boys from a young age that they need to suck it up and man up teaches them not to be real.
If we want to heal from a father wound, we need to first admit we have one then get some help. Counseling can help us unravel our feelings and give us tools for dealing with them.
A father can be absent by being physically absent or by being emotionally absent.
When girls have a father wound, they often have sex as a way of getting the affection they crave.
Dads just need to be present. It’s okay to be imperfect and for your kids to know that.
Just be there and listen. You don’t need to say a word and you don’t need to fix anything.
Single moms can reach out to a good man in their life and ask them to part of your child’s life, once a week, once a month, whatever works. Your kids just need a positive male role model or they will buy into what society says a man should be.
Dads have everything they need to be a good dad.
Dads can become better dads by educating themselves and talking to other dads.
John Finch grew up the youngest of 3 boys in a suburb of Dallas where he lost his father to suicide at age 11. As a young man, John did anything he could to avoid confronting the wounds he suffered as a result of being fatherless. His craving for affirmation from a father who was not there to provide it, led him to
seek that affirmation from the world in many unhealthy ways. In an attempt to find value as a man, he created a false persona that left him completely unfulfilled. It was only when John realized and dealt with the unresolved issues of his father wound that he was able to become truly fulfilled.
John seeks to break down the barriers that prevent men and women from addressing deep rooted anger and hurt from the wounds they have suffered in this life by candidly and openly sharing his story, his failings, and his path to a new way of life. John’s mission is to educate, encourage and equip men to become the fathers they were created to be, and to help men walk in daily awareness of their significant and lifelong influence as fathers. Through The Father Effect movie, John shares stories and messages that will move viewers to a new awareness about the everlasting impact of fathers and the importance of forgiveness and openness in the relationships of this world.
To learn more or connect with our guest, visit https://www.thefathereffect.com/
Links to John’s book and movie:
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Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler are entrepreneurs who help people live better lives. After creating DASIUM they realized they could help parents avoid the challenges and pain they experienced. Mighty Parenting is what families need to get real, relevant information about raising teens and parenting young adults in today's world.
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