Teen Behavior: Punishment vs Discipline vs Problem Solving | Cindy Kaplan | Episode 31
Part of a parent’s job is to teach our kids, model appropriate behavior, and instill character. But what’s the most effective way to shape teen behavior? On today’s Mighty Parenting podcast we are looking at punishment vs discipline vs problem solving. Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler get insights and information from family coach Cindy Kaplan on the true differences among these 3 options and which works most effectively. The answer may surprise you. Cindy will show us what happens with each approach and gives us amazing information so you can determine which one will help you bring out the teen behavior you crave and support you in raising the adult you want your child to become.
A Favorite Quote from the Show:
Move from a place of fear to a place of curiosity.
High Points of the Discussion About Punishment vs Discipline vs Problem Solving:
Sometimes we use the word discipline, but we are really talking about punishment. Discipline is actually about learning.
When we use punishment, kids just get angrier and sneakier about doing the same thing again.
When talking about discipline vs punishment, we need to understand the difference between natural consequences and logical consequences. Natural consequences happen without us imposing anything upon our child. Logical consequences happen when we impose a consequence that we see as being tied to the behavior.
The difficult thing about natural consequences is that they can affect you as well as your teen. When this happens, before you jump in to change things, take a moment and really own your own agenda. Ask yourself if you are parenting the child you want to have rather than the child you actually have.
In order to set clear boundaries, we have to be clear on why we are setting the boundary.
Discipline involves teaching and part of that happens when you talk it out. This is an opportunity to help your teen learn from what happened and it helps you move beyond discipline to problem solving.
We have to ask ourselves what is getting in the way of our kids doing what we want and a large part of that is that they don’t have the skills yet or they have a need that isn’t being met. When we punish them, we don’t improve either of those situations, it just makes our kids feel badly and it doesn’t teach or change anything.
Punishment can harm your relationship with your child or even sever it.
Kids want connection with their parents. If they can’t find it here then they’ll look elsewhere.
Parents need to set boundaries and hold them. This means we have to be willing to hear our kids out and handle the push back. When they feel heard and understood, even if they don’t agree, they’ll be more cooperative. This approach also builds connection.
Our Guest Expert on Punishment vs Discipline:
Cindy Kaplan, MA is a Parent and Family Coach. She has a private practice in Newton MA and gives workshops, runs groups, and speaks on a variety of topics including Self-Care, Parenting well in the digital world, Conscious Parenting, and Collaborative Problem Solving. Through keen listening skills, humor, and non-judgement, Cindy leads parents to find their true self in parenting and teaches some valuable tools and skills throughout the process.
Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler are entrepreneurs who help people live better lives. After creating DASIUM they realized they could help parents avoid the challenges and pain they experienced. Mighty Parenting is what families need to get real, relevant information about raising teens and parenting young adults in today's world.
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