Technology And Relationships Plus Smartphone Addiction | Danny Kim | Episode 88

Smartphones are supposed to make life better but how do we avoid smartphone addiction for ourselves and our teens? What about technology and relationships? Technology is a tool that has the power to enhance or hinder human connection so let’s find out what to avoid and what to embrace. Expert Danny Kim talks to us about the effect of technology on our lives. He’ll chat with Mighty Parenting podcast host Sandy Fowler about technology and relationships, smartphones, bullying, and what happens to our emotional intelligence when we overuse or incorrectly utilize devices in our lives.

iheartradio | Castbox | Podchaser | Overcast

Support this podcast at MightyParenting.com/support

A Favorite Quote from the Conversation: 

“This is not just a teenager problem, it’s a human problem.” Danny Kim

High Points of Our Conversation About Technology and Relationships and Smartphone Addiction:

Technology is accelerating the way our brains are formed. This generation of teenagers have brains with neural pathways shaped by smartphone use.

Technology companies aren’t concerned with how well we use our phones. Their concern is getting and keeping our attention because that’s how they make money.

This generation of teens is the most connected in all of history but they are also the least happy.

Technology wears a disguise so we believe its promises of connection and reach but it isn’t real connection. 

The internet is good because it democratizes information and gives us a voice. However, the flip side is that we know too much and we are more aggressive when online. We act more aggressively because we feel removed when we see ourselves as an avatar.

The instant sharing of difficult or embarrassing moments perpetuates shame in people.

We need to teach our kids that social media is forever and what we post has ramifications. You miss out on a job or an opportunity in the future. If an organization reviews your social media and sees inappropriate postings the may choose not to work with you. You may even encounter legal issues.

We can look at our postings as a way of saying, “This is who I am”. Talk to your child about who they want to be in the world. They can ask themselves if their postings reflect that. They can also ask if the posting is helpful or hurtful.

Smartphone addiction has not been defined in the DSM-5 (the manual used for mental health diagnosis). Part of the reason for this is that the actual addiction could be shopping, gambling, social media, etc. The phone is simply the tool used to access the addiction.

If your child’s behavior is concerning, have a conversation with them and find out what they’re actually doing on their phone. Help them address the underlying issue rather than the phone.

When people feel lonely, anxious or depressed, the best thing is to have high-contact connection. In high-contact connection there is a face-to-face conversation, eye contact and meaningful conversation. It can be as simple as asking how they are feeling and telling them you are there for them. 

Smartphones take our attention away from the person we are with.

When people spend time in a community of people who curb smartphone use, they also curb their own use.

Research shows when people have short-term, voluntary disconnection from their smartphone they like it.

Consider activities you can do with your family that do not include a smartphone—camping, beach days, biking, etc.

Use Behavior Architecture to help curb smartphone use or misuse. Behavior architecture is all about the things in our lives and how close they are to us. Essentially, we can help shape our actions and habits through object placement. Consider leaving your smartphone in your office or on an out-of-the-way table.

Resources Mentioned in Show:

iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood–and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Twenge PhD, Jean M.

We suggested listening to episodes that share information on addiction, social media, or parenting differently to help your teen change their smartphone usage. Here are a few of those shows:

Protect Your Teen from Prescription Drug Abuse – episode 4

Taming the Social Media Monster – episode 6  

Why Kids Bully – episode 18 

Parenting Power Struggles – episode 25

Punishment vs. Discipline vs. Problem Solving – episode 31 

FOMO Fear of Missing Out – episode 39 

Ending Family Friction – episode 52 

Powerful Parenting Strategies – episode 55

A Moment of Insight on Raising Happy Healthy Kids – episode 74 

Our Guest Danny Kim:

Danny Kim catalyzes individuals and organizations to perform at their best.

Danny coaches leaders when the stakes are high and decisions are complex. Using the power of inquiry, Danny asks insightful questions at pivotal moments to help leaders gain clarity and take courageous action. He is a gifted facilitator who creates psychologically safe environments for individual thinking and group collaboration. As a storyteller and keynote speaker, Danny inspires movement and momentum.

Danny is an Organizational Consultant at Centauric working with individuals and organizations of all sizes creating compelling experiences to help individuals and teams maximize their potential. He is an on-call faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership as well as an experienced Gallup-Certified Clifton Strengths coach. 

Danny holds a Masters of Divinity and is currently working on his doctorate in I/O Psychology. His dissertation will focus on the relationship between problematic smartphone use and emotional intelligence.  

Danny lives in San Diego, CA with his wife EJ and two dogs. He enjoys surfing, watching the Lakers, and meaningful conversations over a good cup of coffee. 

To learn more or connect with our guest visit https://dannykimm.com or http://centauric.com.