Solutions For A Surely Teenager, Unmotivated Teenager, and Parental Burnout | Kanesha Baynard | Episode 142

Are you living with a surly teenager? An unmotivated teenager? Feeling guilty because you don’t want to spend more time with your family? Months of living with the stress of a Covid lifestyle has taken a toll on families. Parents are frustrated, simply d-o-n-e and facing parental burnout. Even when we take the time to use our stress-relief strategies, it’s often not enough. And the beginning of the school year is only adding to the problem. The good news is there are things you can do to help. Expert Kanesha Baynard joins Mighty Parenting podcast host Sandy Fowler for a frank discussion about what’s really happening and what parents can do to ease the strain.

Player FM | iheartradio | Castbox | Podchaser | Overcast

A Favorite Quote from the Show: 

“When parents keep pushing through, teens get the message they must keep going at all costs.”

High Points From Our Conversation About Surly or Unmotivated Teenagers and Parental Burnout:

Teens typically experience a number of transitions in their lives. Covid has disrupted these transitions.

Parents think they have a surly teenager or an unmotivated teenager. Really, living a Covid lifestyle has created decision fatigue and a mental malaise.

Parents look to the traditional transitions that a teen experiences then try to recreate them and make them fun within our current restrictions.

It’s time to take on a shift perspective. We need to create a protocol or checklist so teens know what to expect. It also lets them know the expectations have changed so they can ease up on the worry.

S: self assessment—how are you taking care of yourself
H: having a vision—what do you want and expect during this particular time
I: identity shift—how does this change map to your identity
F: freedom—you have the freedom to recreate what you want life to be right now
T: taking the time to put this into action

When you develop your plan for the now, post it where the family can see it. Put is on the frig, on the family calendar, in the family hub, on everyone’s phones, anyplace it will be seen.

We have these beliefs and standards we were holding our teens and twenty somethings to. When life changed we became anxious about how they will meet those standards.

Ask yourself who is holding you to that standard. Is it the high school? The college? The community? Is that really a set-in-stone standard? 

When we keep pushing to that standard no matter what has changed, our teens get the message they need to keep going at all costs.

We are in a grieving moment. There are rituals and rights of passage that neither our teen nor we as parents get to experience right now. We’re grieving those losses.

We are all learning how to function “at home”. 

High achievers tend to be very linear and have a checklist. They don’t want to deviate from their plan. When they are forced to shift it feels like they failed.

We need new coping strategies. The things many of us used in the past don’t work because the circumstances are different.

Try different coping strategies to see what works for you. Remember different family members may have different needs. Here are some things to try:

• • Take time to unplug—set a time where no-one is using a screen (when everyone does it at the same time it takes off the pressure to be productive)
  • Use creativity to disrupt any kind of unfulfilling pattern—set up a craft table, pull out the LEGOS, play
  • Write to express your feelings—create a shared family journal

We are experiencing parental burnout. There are different types burnout: overload, under challenged, and neglect. Many moms are feeling overload burnout as we take on so much more during COVID.

Your surly teenager or unmotivated teenager may be experiencing burnout.

Parental burnout is real and it affects your relationship with your child.

To avoid parental burnout or recover from parental burnout, ask yourself:

• • What will give me a mental boost right now?
  • Renovate with your family to have them shoulder some of your burden.
  • Don’t expect yourself to be the expert when your child comes to you with a problem. Just be an active listener.

Parents don’t want to give their kids more responsibility right now but empowering them in an area they can be successful in actually helps them. Try, “I want you, as a family member, to take charge in this area” then let them take control.

Feeling like we have control over our life reduces anxiety.

Resources Mentioned in Show:

Healthy Parenting Strategies For Handling The Coronavirus Lockdown | Anthony Rao | Episode 119

Our Guest Kanesha Baynard:

Kanesha Baynard is an author, creativity expert and productivity specialist. She also considers herself to be the love child of Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart. Kanesha founded the Bold Living Today community which helps people disrupt unfulfilling patterns through creativity. She specializes in helping teens and parents (re)connect through her Individual Connectedness program. Kanesha’s work has been featured in Fast Company, HuffPost Live,  U.S. News and World Report, TiLT Parenting Podcast, Parents Magazine, WVON 1690 AM radio, and the Chicago Tribune. She has also appeared on the Dr. Oz Show.Our Sponsors:

To learn more or connect with our guest visit https://www.boldlivingtoday.com/ 

Our Sponsors:

She Can STEM shows girls how cool science, technology, engineering, and math can be. Meet women changing the world with STEM and begin your own STEM journey today. She Can STEM. So Can You. Visit shecanstem.com

The Great Courses Plus—Streaming courses to keep your family entertained, learning and growing. (free trial at www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/mightyparenting)

The Great Courses Plus makes lifelong learning and personal enrichment available to anyone, anywhere. Get photography tips from a National Geographic photographer. Learn science, math, history, religion and more from the world’s greatest professors. Delve into health, fitness, nutrition, food, wine, and hobbies with top experts. These content-rich, unique courses provide you and your family with a world of knowledge designed to expand your horizons, deepen your understanding, and foster epiphanies. Pursue your passion. Quench your curiosity. Embark on an educational endeavor. Watch thousands of streaming videos on hundreds of subjects.