Reflections On Parenting: A Year In Review | Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler | Episode 49
It’s been over 10 months since the Mighty Parenting podcast launched. That’s 48 shows, 39 guests, and innumerable aha moments. All of this is worth a second look so Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler are sharing their reflections on parenting. They’re taking a look at what they’ve learned over the last 10 months and how it’s impacted their parenting and their lives. They’ve had many surprises along the way and a lot of gratitude which will all be shared in today’s show. Along with all of this there will be new understanding and lessons learned.
“My child’s life needs to unfold in a way that makes them feel good about themselves.”
High Points of Our Reflections on Parenting Show:
Judy confesses that … SANDY WAS RIGHT!!! Judy resisted creating a podcast for Mighty Parents but now sees just how powerful it can be. Sandy is incredibly grateful that Judy took a leap of faith and created the podcast with her.
We are humbled and blown away by the reception and response to the show. We are also surprised at just how much we have learned from the podcast and the impact it’s had on our families.
Sandy has seen two overarching themes from what she’s learned and what’s happened: 1. It’s shaping and improving her relationship with her girls. 2. Those constant, low-level stress and anxiety feelings that we live with as parents have diminished and some have disappeared.
Sandy: I’ve opened up new, different and uncomfortable conversations with my girls. While it wasn’t always easy or comfortable, opening those doors and starting those conversations has strengthened our relationships.
Judy: I find I’m listening so differently; to my kids, to other teenagers, to other parents, even with you as my business partner. Instead of just jumping in, I’m asking what they need from me and it’s bringing great clarity.
We’re coming at conversations from a place of no judgement, no stress, no attachment to the answer and it leads our kids to open up to us.
We have to let our teens and twenty-somethings make choices—good, bad or indifferent. I knew this, and other things, and I did it to some degree or tried to do it but being in the show every single week keeps these ideas front-and-center and keeps me focused.
These shows give us specific tools and actions steps that we can use in our lives. By keeping those front and center we use those strategies rather than our old strategies that aren’t good for our kids.
My filter has been taken off and replaced with a filter that also includes experiences of those who know better than me. It’s helped me find a middle ground and realize that I don’t have to be perfect. I can still help my kids grow to be the adults they want to be and I can do it without all the parenting guilt and regret.
When it comes to parenting, one of the most effective things to do is to work on yourself and model the healthy behavior.
I don’t have to do it all right. It gives me permission to do it wrong because I am not judging myself.
Once kids have moved out, it’s not parenting in the traditional sense; it’s being a sounding board, being someone to share insights and experiences with.
The ideas and principles I’ve learned aren’t just useful in parenting; I’m benefiting in my marriage, my relationships with my parents, and even my relationship with my grandmother.
Oftentimes, what we think is support, isn’t. For example: In helping our kids complete their college applications and essays we think we’re supporting them by setting them up for having the best options. What we’re really doing is putting our own expectations on it and we’re stopping them from learning the skills they need for life. It doesn’t allow our kid’s future to unfold in a way that lets them feel good about themselves.
I wish I had a lot of the skills we learned this year so I hadn’t sent him the message that he couldn’t do it himself.
Many of the problems that come up stem from kids not having the executive function skills we expect them to have. We need to have appropriate expectations about what they can actually do.
Great questions for making sure your child is ready to meet a challenge without doing the thinking for them: Do you have a plan for that? What’s your plan?
It goes back to changing the way we communicate. Empowering them with strategies that are healthy, that actually translate into their lives, and doing it without the expectation we know best. As Dennis Trittin told us, we have to move from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat of our kids’ lives.
Judy Davis aka The Direction Diva is a sought after motivational speaker, entrepreneur, author and host of the Mighty Parenting Podcast. She is a small business and teen suicide prevention expert as well as an influencer in the military spouse community. Judy is passionate about providing programs and resources to families across the nation and is the CEO of DASIUM – a brand leading the way in depression, addiction and suicide prevention in teens and young adults.
A recipient of the 2016 Dove Real Beauty Award, Judy has also been quoted, featured, and profiled in a variety of publications and interviews including Smart Money Magazine, Hiring America TV, The Jim Bohannan show, Dr. Laura Berman Show, and more. She is regularly featured as a parenting and military lifestyle expert/guest on radio shows and panels highlighting the challenges and issues facing families today.
Sandy Fowler helps people take back their lives. She works with women and small business owners, teaching them how to make powerful choices that let them leave stress behind and live a joy-filled life. At Mighty Parenting she helps parents make powerful choices that reduce stress while improving parenting and emotional wellness. At DASIUM, she guides parents and organizations in preventing depression, addiction, and suicide in teens and young adults.
She has been quoted on Lifetimemoms.com and SheKnows.com, featured in a cover story in the Detroit Free Press TwistMagazine, published in Mompreneur magazine and the Clarkston News. Sandy is a co-creator of The Keys to Getting What You Want: 4 Little Known Communication Secrets, and the creator of the Calendar Magic coaching program. She authored two books that use her principles to guide moms through the holiday season. She is a co-host of the Mighty Parenting podcast. Sandy loves to spend her free time camping, hiking, reading, or playing games with her husband and daughters. You can connect with her at SandyFowler.com.
Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler are entrepreneurs who help people live better lives. After creating DASIUM they realized they could help parents avoid the challenges and pain they experienced. Mighty Parenting is what families need to get real, relevant information about raising teens and parenting young adults in today's world.
717 St. Joseph Dr #202 St. Joseph, MI 49085
Phone: 413.274.8611 Connect@MightyParenting.com
To connect and continue the conversation, join other parents in our online Facebook group or on Twitter!