Raising A Good Man | Kara Kinney Cartwright | Episode 124

When asked what we want for our children, most parents say we want them to be happy. However, we also want them to be good, kind, responsible people. That’s the premise behind Kara Kinney Cartwright’s new book Just Don’t Be An Assh*le: A Surprisingly Necessary Guide to Being a Good Guy. It’s a straight-to-the-point conversation with our teenage sons about the unspoken rules of life. Kara brings her wit and wisdom to the Mighty Parenting podcast as she chats with Sandy Fowler about raising a good man. They cover those crazy teenage years when our boys’ hormones are raging and their moods and attitudes can leave something to be desired. They also discuss how to impart all the lessons you want your son to learn before they fly the nest.

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A Favorite Quote from the Show: 

“Don’t put your son down for doing jerky things. Acknowledge the circumstances that led to the choice then ask what he will do about it now.”

High Points From Our Conversation About Raising a Good Man:

As our boys grow up, parents transition from worrying about their son’s self-esteem to worrying about how they impact people around them.

When our kids are young we teach them how to function in the world. As they grow we don’t do as much of it. And when they become teenagers it becomes harder to teach them how to become good men.

The amount of time we have to communicate with teens about issues is limited as they get older.

When we talk to our kids about values we need to translate them into specific dos and don’ts. They need examples and words they can use to help them understand what the values look like in the real world and how a good man lives them out.

The book is a tool for parents to raise a good man and for families to have conversations. Parents can get feedback on what’s happening in their son’s life and help him look at options for handling situations.

Most people don’t self-identify as a jerk but that doesn’t mean we’re a good guy either. Often we walk the middle ground of not actively hurting anyone but we don’t always take the extra step of speaking up when others do it.

It’s important to acknowledge we are still learning how to be a good man or a good woman ourselves. Teenage boys have highly developed hypocrite detectors and won’t listen if we’re hypocritical.

These are not teenage problems, they are human problems.

Don’t put your son down for doing jerky things. Just encourage him to make better choices.

Parents want to raise a good man so when their son does a jerky thing they tend to jump straight to investigation or accusation mode. Instead, acknowledge the situation that led to them making a the decision they did—peer pressure, the challenges of online life, academic pressure, etc. Then ask them what they’re going to do now. Help them see ways to make amends or make a better choice next time.

If your son is making jerky choices, help him get introspective and see what internal factors may be driving this. He may be hungry, sleep deprived, dehydrated, depressed, feeling lost or something else. Handling the internal can help him make better choices.

Resources Mentioned in Show:

Just Don’t Be An Assh*le: A Surprisingly Necessary Guide to Being a Good Guy

Penguin Randomhouse Books

Our Guest Kara Kinney Cartwright:

Kara Kinney Cartwright always says, please, thank you, and excuse me—even on the subway. She married a total good guy and, through relentless lecturing, teasing, cash-bribing, and tricking, they have raised two sons who are not assholes, for the most part. If you happen to know her in person, this book is not about you, for the most part. She has written parenting articles for HuffPost, Scary Mommy, Babble, Grown and Flown, and more. 

To learn more or connect with our guest visit https://www.facebook.com/dbaKaraKC  https://twitter.com/dbaKaraKC  https://www.instagram.com/dbakarakc/ 

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