Mighty Parenting Q and A – Homework Help And Parenting For Independence | Episode 90

It’s Q and A day at Mighty Parenting. Sandy Fowler answers listeners questions including tips on homework help and parenting for independence. She’s introducing our new sponsor, Ecree, the on-demand virtual writing tutor for students. They have great tips for parents as well as a product that can make homework time easier and aid your child in learning how to write well. Then Sandy tackles parenting for independence. We want our children to learn and grow but parenting through these stages can be challenging. Sandy gives parents ideas and tips for parenting through those challenges. She also addresses essential conversations that allow you to enjoy living with your teen or twenty-something while helping them become independent.

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A Favorite Quote from the Show: 

“Parents need to ensure that as kids get older and get more privileges, they also get more responsibility.”

High Points of Our Conversation About Homework Help and Parenting for Independence:

Kids need to grow into handling homework on their own. We can support them as much as they need right now but we should be teaching them how to work independently.

Teachers don’t have enough time to sit with each child as they write an essay, correcting and advising as they go along.

Sometimes parents don’t have the skills necessary for teaching their kids things they need to know to complete homework assignments. Even when we know the material, sometimes there’s an element of the parent-child relationship that prevents parents from successfully working with their own child to help them learn and complete assignments.

Writing is an essential skill. Writing well helps kids get into colleges, earn scholarships, obtain internships, and excel in jobs.

Ecree is an on-demand virtual writing tutor for students. It gives your child access to unlimited, instant, teacher-quality feedback on their writing while they write and develop lifelong skills for success.

The key to parenting children through growing independence is remembering this is a two-sided coin—with independence comes responsibility.

Parents need to ensure that as kids get older and get more privileges, they also get more responsibility.

There are many opportunities to increase responsibility. 

When they get their drivers’ license, make sure they have some responsibility for taking care of the vehicle. There are many options including: buying their own car, paying for their insurance, paying for their gas, paying for oil changes, handling the oil changes and preventative maintenance even when Mom or Dad pay for it, cleaning the car on a regular basis. The responsibility doesn’t have to be financial, it just needs to exist.

Another opportunity for increasing responsibility is giving them control over money you are already spending on them for things like school lunch, activities, or clothes.

You can invite them to help you plan the family vacation.

Let them help with holiday preparations. Make them responsible for purchasing the gifts they give, even if you’re helping them cover the cost. Have them wrap the presents or bake the cookies or put up the Christmas lights.

Responsibility is something that needs to grow over time in all areas of their lives. So it also means we need to give them more opportunity to make decisions about their life and their time. We can shift from telling them what to do and when to do it to telling them what needs to be done and asking them when they think they can get it done to asking them what they think needs to be done and when they’ll have it done.

If your teen complains you aren’t treating them like an adult then this is a great time to have a conversation. Tell them you hear them and you agree you aren’t treating them like an adult. Then ask them what they think is appropriate. Find out what they want and think about it. You don’t have to answer right that moment. Think about the request. Is it reasonable? Do they have the maturity to do it? Can you let them try and allow them to learn from the success or failure? Is it balanced? Are they also being responsible, living up the family expectations? Do they need to take on more responsibility to balance the new privileges? 

When our kids turn 18 they often believe they should be treated like an adult. What they really mean is they want to do whatever they feel like without the responsibility of being an adult. So, that summer after high school or the first time they come home after being away at school, listen calmly to the complaints. Tell them you hear what they’re saying and ask what they think it means to be an adult. Then work your way through the conversation to find a middle ground, a place where they are allowed to make more of their own decisions and also take on more responsibility.

Parenting while accommodating our kids’ growing independence isn’t always easy and it means things are frequently changing. It’s all a process. Every child is different so you need to feel your way through it. Just remember, it’s essential to our children’s growth and helps them build the skills and resiliency they need to successfully move into adulthood.

Resources Mentioned in Show:

Ecree is an on-demand virtual writing tutor for students. It gives your child access to unlimited, instant, teacher-quality feedback on their writing while they write and develop lifelong skills for success. Visit https://ecree.com to learn more.

Our Host: 

Sandy Fowler is a coach, author, and podcast host who is passionate about helping people make powerful choices that impact their lives in the best possible way. Whether she is speaking to a group, hosting a podcast, coaching a client, or guiding a Divine Sleep® session, she is always helping busy women and parents find simple ways to make life better. Her natural curiosity, paired with her down-to-earth, practical approach to living, working, and prospering, allows her to help them reduce stress, create emotional wellness, and take their lives back from the busyness of modern-day living. 

Sandy is the author of 2 books on making the holidays better: Christmas Magic: Using the Advent Season to Strengthen Family Bonds and Create a Meaningful Christmas and The Christmas Secret: Why the Holiday Season is So Hard and How to Fix It. She is the host of the Mighty Parenting Podcast: Real, Raw, and Relevant Talk About Raising Teens and Parenting Young Adults and she is the co-creator of The Keys to Getting What You Want: Four Little-Known Communication Secrets. 

To learn more or connect with Sandy visit https://sandyfowler.com 

This episode sponsored by Ecree.com