Marriage And Kids: Why It Matters | Dr Terri Orbuch | Episode 27
Marriage and kids, they go together but they also impact each other. Parenting teens can be a challenge and keeping our marriage strong while doing it can be a bigger challenge. Mighty Parenting Podcast hosts, Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler, explore marriage and kids with relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch. Dr. Orbuch has spent over 25 years heading up a National Institute of Health study on marriage and will share insights on strong marriages based on her work. She will also discuss the ins and outs of what our teens learn from our marriage and how we can help them learn to have strong relationships.
Family vacations typically take a lot of research and planning, but what if you didn’t plan? What if you chose your adventure as you went along? Sandy shares her totally unplanned family vacation experience as Judy looks at what can happen when you do it.
A Favorite Quote from our Marriage and Kids Show:
Spending 10 minutes each day talking about things other than work, family or children, chores, or your relationship can make your relationship happier and healthier over time.
Marriage and Kids High Points Interview:
Everything we do with our partner affects our children and their well-being.
We need to let kids see there is good and bad, ups and downs. Let them see that we have conflict in our relationship but also show them that it’s okay and you work it out.
Kids are watching what we do, how we treat each other, how we talk to each other. They will take that into their relationships.
Kids need to see us have conflict and resolve it or when they run into it in their own relationships they leave the relationship because they think it’s not okay. Acknowledge your conflict and let them know you still care about each other and are working it out.
Issues and problems in parenting teens are greater than issues and problems in parenting younger kids. Parents need to have conversations with each other about parenting through these issues.
Parents need to have conversations with kids about the big issues, particularly about relationships, about people, about communication, and about sex.
Parents may disagree on parenting issues and that’s okay. The most important thing is to do the disagreements well. Then be sure to tend your marriage to strengthen it.
Strategies for a healthy relationship:
Say words of affirmation to your partner often or do simple, nice things for your partner often.
Use the 10-minute rule. Spend 10 minutes a day communicating but these subjects are off limits: work, family or children, chores, and your relationship. Couples tend to spend most of their talking time dealing with the logistics of life.
Things that hurt our relationship:
Putting our relationship on the back burner whenever the kids show up.
Habits and routines. These can create boredom and challenge our marriage. Upset your routine just a little bit and it will help your relationship.
Routine = Boredom. Newness = Passion. Try learning something new with your partner.
High Points Real Talk:
Tom and Sandy spent 2 ½ weeks in England and Scotland with an 8-month-old baby and had no plans for the trip beyond the first night—and it was the most relaxing vacation they had ever taken.
When you don’t plan out the vacation, yes, things could go wrong but what else can you get from it? What can our kids learn; flexibility, resilience, etc.
There was no tension. There was no stress about getting to the next location. It allows room for things going wrong without it ruining the vacation.
Letting go of our expectations about what the vacation needs to be in order to be fun allows room to actually enjoy it.
Our stress comes from expectations and reality not being the same. So let’s get rid of the expectations and be in the reality.
When we apply this to a family adventure, we can impart skills and create opportunity for conversation that may not have existed otherwise.
Dr. Terri Orbuch (Ph.D)(aka The Love Doctor®) is an author, speaker, therapist, professor at Oakland University, and research professor at University of Michigan. She is also the director of a landmark study, funded by National Institutes of Health (NIH), where she has been following the same couples for almost 3 decades. Dr. Orbuch is widely published in scientific journals and the author of “5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great.” and “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.” Dr. Orbuch has been featured in such publications as, The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Reader’s Digest, USA Today, Women’s Health, Cosmopolitan, and TIME magazine and has appeared on The Today Show, MSNBC, The Katie Couric Show, ESPN, HuffPost Live, and CNN. Her new video dating course is called “Finding Love in 7 Days,” and her relationship segments are aired on Fox-2 Detroit Morning News. Her national public television special titled, “Secrets from The Love Doctor” has been airing since December 2013.
Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler are entrepreneurs who help people live better lives. After creating DASIUM they realized they could help parents avoid the challenges and pain they experienced. Mighty Parenting is what families need to get real, relevant information about raising teens and parenting young adults in today's world.
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