Family History, Generational Trauma, and Race | Cassandra Lane | Episode 199

One way to connect with our teens and to give them a sense of stability is to share family history and stories. But what if some of that history is ugly? What if it’s painful? Cassandra Lane tackled this in her book We Are Bridges where she tells the story of her grandfather’s lynching. She joins Mighty Parenting podcast host Sandy Fowler for a conversation on family, history, generational trauma and racism. Get inspiration for talking to your teenager about your family history.

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A Favorite Quote from the Show: 

Support our kids in learning and using the art of debate when they disagree with things they hear. Encourage them to call people out and do it in love, with respect and compassion.

High Points From Our Conversation on Family History, Generational Trauma, and Race:

Cassandra’s family history has some very painful elements. Her grandfather,  Burt Bridges, was lynched in 1904. His story and other ghosts from the past haunted her grandmother.

Cassandra grew up in a multi-generational household. She finds her son yearning for that same type of connection. She works to connect her son to the broader community and different generations by:

• Connecting with family over distance
• Cooking traditional family foods
• Spending time with their church community
• Visiting the elderly in their neighborhood

A recorded family history can help our kids feel connected to family and to something bigger than themselves. Simply record the conversation as you share family stories and encourage parents and grandparents to tell about their lives.

It’s important to discuss not only the good memories in our families but also the difficult ones. We need to give them the light of day and understanding. “The more folks bury a thing, the more they sweep it under the rug, the bigger it becomes, the filthier it becomes, the more it demands to be raised.”

The word trauma just means wound. If the wound isn’t taken care of it becomes that much more dangerous.

When someone experiences a disaster, allow them to talk about it if they’re willing. Then ask them, “When did you know you survived?”

Cassandra came to terms with her own survival and resilience when she moved away from family and succeeded in life. She was moving up the ladder, enjoying her days, having fun. She was thriving and joyful. That is when she knew she survived these old wounds.

We need to talk to our children about race and family history is an important piece of that. Have discussions about your family and how they were impacted as well as how they impacted others.

If we’re looking to connect with our kids and heal those wounds it’s on us to have conversations. Even if your family has hushed their history you can change the dynamic by discussing it with your children. 

Talk about what happened to your family and also how your family impacted families of other ethnicities, even if you have an ancestor who committed an atrocity against another human being. We aren’t protecting our kids when we don’t talk to our kids about it. All of that history is connected to our present day and painting a bigger picture helps them understand and even have aha moments.

If a family member makes racist comments talk to your child about it. Ask them:

• What did they say?
• What did you hear?
• What do you think about that?
• Why do you think they might have said that?
• How can we change that?

“If I am not fighting, if I am not doing everything I am capable of, then I am complicit in every atrocity that happened and will continue to happen.” Character in The Paris Apartment

Support our kids in learning and using the art of debate when they disagree with things they hear. Encourage them to call people out and do it in love, with respect and compassion.

Resources:

We Are Power – Nonviolent Activism and Teenagers | Todd Hasak-Lowy | Episode 135

Billy Holiday—Strange Fruit

Our Guest Cassandra Lane:

Cassandra Lane is author of We Are Bridges (Feminist Press), winner of the Louise Meriwether First Book Prize and Editor-in-Chief of L.A. Parent magazine. She previously worked as a newspaper staff reporter for The News-Star in Monroe, Louisiana and The Times-Picayune in New Orleans. She received an MFA in creative writing from Antioch University Los Angeles. She has also worked as a high school teacher, college admissions advisor, senior communications writer, and as a community relations manager for the Los Angeles Dodgers. 

Lane’s stories have appeared in The Gambit, Louisiana Weekly, Everything But the Burden, Ms. Aligned, the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Writers Resist, Expressing Motherhood, Fury: Women’s Lived Experiences During the Trump Era, The NYT’s “Conception” series and more. A Louisiana native, she has made Los Angeles, where she lives with her husband and son, her second home since 2001.

To learn more or connect with our guest visit https://www.cassandralane.net/