Excelling At Average | Kristen Howerton | Episode 139

There is so much pressure for families to achieve, to be the best in whatever we do. Kids face this in school, sports, and activities. Parents feel pressured to be perfect parents. But what if there isn’t one right way to raise kids? What if we opt out of the pressure to do it all perfectly? Mighty Parenting podcast host Sandy Fowler has a conversation with Kristen Howerton about her concept of excelling at average. Find out what that means, how it can benefit parents and kids alike. Take a look at imperfection and how parents can navigate the teen years even in the face of teen drama, tears, and angst. 

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A Favorite Quote from the Show: 

We need to put in the work and build emotional currency with our teenagers and twenty somethings so when the bottom falls out they will come to you. Build that currency by:

• Being interested in what they’re interested in
• Making the time and space to talk when they are ready
• Pushing in even when they are pushing away

High Points From Our Conversation About Excelling at Average:

Kristen kicks parenting guilt to the curb by focusing on excelling at average instead of aiming for perfection for her and her kids.

Our culture encourages parents and kids to do whatever it takes to be the best at everything. This creates a lot of stress.

There is pressure to perform everywhere, especially in high school activities. However, when your child wants to try something new, isn’t the best, or just wants a less-pressured experience, try club sports, city classes, community theatre and other local organizations as they tend to have less intensity.

It’s okay to be all in on something your child is passionate about. It’s also okay to opt out.

Sometimes we need to opt out in order to opt in. Take a look at what’s really important and say no to other things in order to make time for the important things and lower stress levels.

We all know our kids need us when they are young, but teens need us even more.

Our parenting can’t be based on the way our teen is making us feel.

We need to put in the work and build emotional currency with our teenagers and twenty somethings so when the bottom falls out they will come to you. Build that currency by:

• Being interested in what they’re interested in
• Making the time and space to talk when they are ready
• Pushing in even when they are pushing away

I find myself asking, “What would a loving mother do right now with this disrespectful, ungrateful child?”

Loving parents have kids who: screw up, make mistakes, make bad choices, and say things that make their parents feel badly. These parents know this is not only okay, it’s developmentally appropriate for teens to rebel and push back against our values.

A loving mother has boundaries. She needs time to herself.

Kids need boundaries, structure, and natural consequences.

Teenagers’ emotional swings are so wide that therapists are cautioned against diagnosing bipolar disorder and personality disorders because it could be natural teen behavior.

Resources Mentioned in Show:

Rage Against the Minivan

Dream Big and Never Quit | Marc Megna | Episode 115

Our Guest Kristen Howerton:

Kristen Howerton is a licensed marriage and family therapist and became the mother of four children within four years via birth and adoption. She is the founder of the blog Rage Against the Minivan and has created several popular humor destinations online, including the popular Tumblr “Pinterest, You Are Drunk” and the #assholeparent meme and Instagram account. She is the co-host of Selfie, a podcast dedicated to exploring the mind, body, and spirit aspects of self-care.

For more information or to connect with our guest visit https://www.kristenhowerton.com 

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