Connecting With Your Teenager Through the 5 love languages | Noel Meador | Episode 34

Connecting with your teenager is an area of concern for many parents, and one that we are asked about frequently. Likely, you do things to create that connection but what if the things you’re doing don’t resonate with your teen? Imagine spending time every day doing things for your child that you think are great and will make them happy only to have them not really notice. Now you feel slighted or rejected and your teen doesn’t feel any better. It turns out there are certain types of actions that resonate with people and make us feel loved. These are called love languages. On today’s Mighty Parenting podcast, Judy Davis and Sandy Fowler will chat with Noel Meador to find out how the 5 love languages impact our lives and our relationships. They’ll take a look at each language, how to discover your teenager’s love language, and how to use that in your parenting.

A Favorite Quote from the Show:

If we don’t fill our teen’s love bank, they will find ways to fill it outside of the family.

High Points From Connecting With Your Teenager Interview:

We each have an emotional bank account. When it’s not filled, we seek ways to fill it outside of our current relationships.

Boys wonder, “Do I have what it takes?”
Girls wonder, “Do you see me?”

Gary Chapman identified 5 love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. These indicate which types of actions fill our love tank.

There’s an online quiz your teen can take to identify their love language. Parents don’t have to wait for a teen to be willing to take the quiz. You can ask them what makes them feel really special. You can also experiment with actions from the various love languages and see which ones resonate the most with your child.

Words of Affirmation: This love language is about communicating the good you see in them. You can use spoken words, written notes, cards, or even writing in the sand at the beach.

Connecting with your teen

Quality Time: This is about simply spending time together where they have your undivided attention. You can run errands together, take trips, go on walks, or simply sit and talk. They key is to be focused on them.

Receiving Gifts: This isn’t about buying big, flashy gifts, it’s about showing you were thinking of them and you care. In this love language, the intention and delivery of the gift is important. It’s a way of saying that you see them, you know them, and you love them.

Acts of Service: This is about being helpful, making their life better or easier by doing something for them. You can assist them with chores or offer to do one of their chores for them. Simply be helpful or ask, “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Physical Touch: This is pretty easy when our kids are little as they will tend to snuggle up to us and we are more likely to pick them up or hug them. But as they get older they still need that touch so, if their love language is physical touch, make time for hugs, give them a quick touch or a pat on the shoulder as you move past them. Cuddle on the couch or sit shoulder to shoulder while watching a movie.

Our Guest:

Noel Meador serves as Executive Director for Stronger Families in Seattle, Washington and is the master at sharing information for connecting with your teenager. In this role, he is dedicated to strengthening families and marriages and ultimately, affecting the community at large. Noel is the lead author of the Oxygen for Your Relationship seminar, which provides couples with tools and resources that help them promote authenticity and renewed vitality in their relationship. Over the past 5 years, 14,000 couples have gone through Oxygen For Your Relationships program and 300+ facilitators have been certified to teach the program. He is the host of Oxygen Show where he interviews authors and speakers on the topic of marriage, communication, personal growth, parenting, and family issues.

Noel received his Masters Degree in Education and is trained in many relationship enrichment and counseling tools such as Prepare/Enrich, Genesis Process, PREP, John Maxwell Leadership Team, and Safe Conversations.

Noel lives in Seattle with his wife Karissa and their three sons Drew, Noah, Myles and new baby girl, Kaylea.

To learn more or connect with our guest, visit http://strongerfamilies.com/

Resources:
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers