Boundaries for Teens | Lauren Coglianese Keck | Episode 193

We all have personal lines in the sand that we sometimes struggle to uphold, especially when they’re between us and our kids. Boundaries are a critical part of any relationship, but especially ours with our children, and setting fair boundaries for teens helps strengthen our relationship with them. Conscious parenting coach Lauren Coglianese Keck joins Mighty Parenting podcast host Sandy Fowler to explain how we can better understand ourselves, avoid trying to dictate our teens’ behavior and emotions, and how to communicate with our children so we and they can set and uphold fair, strong, two-way boundaries together.

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A Favorite Quote from the Show: 

When a parent draws a boundary without understanding the child’s viewpoint the child resists which leads to acting out and has a negative impact.

High Points From Our Conversation on Boundaries for Teens:

Conscious parenting is aware parenting, present parenting. Having an intentional relationship with what’s happening within us and what’s happening outside of us.

If you’re going to draw a boundary you need to embody it. How strong and clear does this boundary live in your body?

There are external experiences mirroring internal experience, the discomfort you feel in having to enforce the boundary.

We as parents need to know ourselves deeply. Notice where you struggle and ask, Why? Why is this true for me?

Make small sustainable changes.

The two big mistakes parents make:

1. 1. Trying to control children’s feelings (also called permissive – you struggle to hold boundaries and try to control feelings)
   2. Trying to control children’s behavior (also called authoritarian)

Authentic parents guide, model, lead, hold boundaries and allow natural consequences. They remain present and a source of love, guidance and assistance.

When parents draw boundaries for teens without understanding their teen’s viewpoint the teen resists, which leads to acting out and a negative impact.

The parent-child relationship is a two-way street. When creating boundaries for teens, invite your children into a dialogue about what’s important to each of you and co-create a boundary that acknowledges both sides and hold that boundary with consequences. 

Our parent-child relationship is a blueprint for all other relationships.

We need to get clear on what we each want and need. Then we can create boundaries for teens and parents that are win-win, instead of win-lose or lose-lose.

Resources:

Powerful Communication Techniques for Dealing With Difficult Family | Eric Maisel | Episode 11

Parenting Power Struggles – Tired of Fighting with Your Teen? | Neil D. Brown | Episode 25

When Kids Call The Shots We Can Have Bullied Parents | Sean Grover | Episode 72

Our Guest Lauren Coglianese Keck:

Lauren Coglianese Keck

Is a wisdom student, sharer of what she is learning, mystic, ever-evolving daughter of life and the stars, storyteller, conscious parenting coach, healer, wife, mother, dog mom, avid chocolate chip cooker baker and eater, playful painter, and yoga and poetry enthusiast, seeking to participate in the emergence of new ways of being and loving. 

To learn more or connect with our guest visit sunshowercoaching.com.

Our Sponsor:

Sandy Fowler: Are you stressed but don’t have time to deal with it? I get it. Grab my complimentary lesson at http://sandyfowler.com/notime to find out how to start feeling better today.