8 Leadership Competencies That Build Influence with Our Teens | John J Murphy | Episode 192

Part of growing up includes learning to push boundaries and develop opinions independent of others’ influences. This gets taken to the extreme during the teenage years. With teens it often seems like one minute they’re small children listening to you about everything and the next minute they’re taller, lankier, and not listening to you at all. Mighty Parenting podcast host Sandy Fowler invites educator and business consultant John J. Murphy to teach us eight leadership competencies to help increase our insight into and positive influence in our relationships with our kids, and encourage our kids to start developing these competencies for themselves.

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A Favorite Quote from the Show: 

Recognize fear is self-created. It’s based on the idea something is going to go wrong.

High Points From Our Conversation on Leadership Competencies:

Run businesses with influence rather than authority.

8 critical leadership competencies:

1. 1. Credibility – Who are you? What have you done? Do you talk the talk and walk the walk? (The other seven competencies help fuel credibility)
   2. Optimism – Great leaders are solution-focused, not problem-focused; come up with options with optimism
   3. Confidence – Have a sense of poise no matter how difficult the situation; practice letting go of your fear
   4. Knowledge – Be a lifelong learner; there are tremendous resources available. Have your kids see you as a student of life
   5. Rational Problem Solving Model
      1. Define – Show me you have a problem; show me the facts
      2. Measure – What is the problem’s scale? Severity? What are our resources? 
      3. Analyze – What have we solved? What still needs solving? Can our solutions be further improved?
      4. Improvements – What is sufficient? What can be better/more efficient/more effective?
      5. Control – Hold the gain with control matrices
   6. ‘Yes, But’ Resistance – We need counter-measures and risk analyses
   7. Flexibility – Need to be ready to adapt and pivot
   8. Perseverance – Stick with your child

Teach with the Socratic Method—pull rather than push, even answer a question with a question:

1. 1. What do you think you could do about this?
   2. What other alternatives do you think there are?

Patience is a virtue; we need to be patient with our kids.

Fear is an illusion. It’s a projection of the mind that something is going to go wrong, and it’s based on an assumption. 

Recognize fear is self-created. It’s based on the idea that something is going to go wrong. It’s important to be mindful of our thoughts.

We have control over our feelings. What you think impacts what you feel.

Be contemplative—look at things without judgement or evaluation. Written, verbal and silent brainstorming are useful exercises for this.

When helping your teen build leadership competencies, remember to be patient and listen to them; different viewpoints and methods are not invalid viewpoints and methods.

Resources:

Use Resilience Parenting To Raise Teenagers Who Are Ready For Life | Chris and Holly Santillo | Episode 81

Teaching Teenagers How To Bounce Back From Failure and Rejection | Stephen David Leonard | Episode 107

Collaborative Leadership in Teens | Umbreen Bhatti | Episode 181

Our Guest John J. Murphy:

John Murphy is the founder (1988) and CEO of Venture Management Consultants, Inc.

• As a business consultant, John has delivered services to some of the world’s leading organizations, including ADP, BMW, Chase, the CIA, the Michigan State Senate, and the US Navy. 

• As an educator John has trained thousands of people from over 50 countries.

• As a speaker, John has shared the stage with General H. Norman Schwarzkopf, Zig Ziglar, Denis Waitley, Rocky Bleier, and Anthony Robbins.

• In 2020, John was nominated and accepted into Marquis Who’s Who of America. 

• John has appeared on over 500 radio and television stations and his work has been featured in over 50 newspapers nationwide.

• John is the author of 20 books including the 2010 Editor’s Choice (Allbooks Review) Best Inspirational Book of the year, Beyond Doubt: Four Steps to Inner Peace and 2020 COVR Award (Coalition of Visionary Resources), Miracle Minded Manager. 

• John is a graduate of the University of Notre Dame (BBA Finance) and the University of Michigan’s Human Resource Executive Program. He is also a former quarterback for Notre Dame.

• John now lives in Palm Beach, Florida.

To learn more or connect with our guest visit www.johnjmurphy.org. 

Our Sponsor:

Sandy Fowler: Are you stressed but don’t have time to deal with it? I get it. Grab my complimentary lesson at http://sandyfowler.com/notime to find out how to start feeling better today.